I can only think of one couple that is still together that started dating while we were in high school. There were plenty of couples who were in love and knew that they had found their mate for life but, most of them were wrong.
So many things can happen upon graduating. Chances are that there is going to be a split so before it happens, be aware that it could.
I tried to send this message to my own kids when they were closing in on the graduation milestone. I didn't want to see them or any of their friends get hurt and possibly have a bad transition to life after high school. I tried to remind them again when they graduated from university.
Teens have to be aware that their relationship could really change when they leave high school. Sometimes the couple attends different universities and they won't see each other for long periods. The long distance relationship is hard to maintain. It would be nice if they went to the same school but each of them has to respect the right of the other to choose the school that is best for them. If you truly love that other person you want what is best for them too, so respect their choice.
Then the question is going to be, are you allowed to see other people? This is a tough relationship question and could end the relationship if it is discussed too early before the separation but, it has to be addressed. My own opinion is that you allow the other to date other people, essentially ending the relationship but maintaining hope. If you try to keep it together, not allowing dating, and one or the other does see other people, emotions like guilt, deceit and betrayal enter the situation and in the end someone is heartbroken.
It may still be hard to stomach when it happens, if you have allowed for dating, but to some degree you have prepared for it. The separation and the freedom may also create a stronger appreciation for each other. It shows respect, confidence and an intelligence about relationships.
If there is no separation due to attending distant schools and both members of the couple stay in the same city or town and enter the work force, there are a whole new set of influences that come into play. Mainly, co-workers. Teens while they are in high school know the entire social environment. When there is a job involved the cast of characters is 50% unknown to each member.
Co-workers want you to go out for drinks after work or play on a company team. Teens right out of high school haven't matured enough to allow for these other individuals to take up a portion of their loved ones time. After all, during high school you did everything together.
This stress of your mate placing some priority on activities outside of the relationship can cause a fracture in even a strong relationship. The fracture needs to be tended to with a mature attitude toward the relationship. Neither can be expected to cut out that work related portion of their life because it becomes part of their identity.
Maturity helps you grow and if you are mature you respect the other person's right to grow. Sadly, sometimes that means to grow apart.
There are many books and magazines that deal with keeping strong relationships but sometimes it doesn't work out. Being aware of the possibility, having a mature outlook toward the other persons choices and having a strong, independent self image is going to help you deal with the situation if it should occur.
Everyone is different and thinks they have the relationship of their life time and I hope you do but be prepared, be strong, take some of the sting out by thinking about how to go on if it ends.
Mitch Davies is a writer who will be publishing his second novel in early 2011. His third novel is in the works. Mitch has a keen interest in all things Japanese and has traveled extensively through Japan. His blog, Zonajin, follows his recent three month living experience and visit. Find out more about Mitch's latest book, A Wind In Montanahis, which is a coming of age young adult fiction novel.
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